Killed the Little Girl

You always told me that things will be alright one day. You told me to be patient and persistent. You told me to not expect much but keep on hoping. You told me that I will get there one day, perhaps tomorrow, maybe a week or a month after, but it will happen. You told me it will be easier to get through. You told me it will be better with time. You told me that one day it will all be okay. You told me to wait, and you will come back. You told me to wait. I believed all of it; I believed you, and I’m still waiting, waiting for a moment when I will open my eyes and find you in front of me. Waiting for the second when I will get to see your smile or laugh with you at your silliest lame jokes. Still waiting for that time when I will get to hold your hand and feel the comfort of home. Waiting for that one instant when I will get to hug you tight and not let go ever. Still waiting, for I don’t know how long.

But I was naive then, a silly girl dreaming of happily ever afters. A foolish girl believing in happy endings thinking the world was good and everything would be fine. But in truth, nothing is. Nothing was ever fine, nothing can ever be. I was patient, I was persistent, I did not expect, but I hoped with everything in me, I waited for a day, a week, and a month, I waited for years to get there to that moment. I waited to see you, to see your smile, hold your hand and feel the comfort, hug you tight, keep you with me forever. After so long, and I have still been waiting. I didn’t know if this wait could ever be over but now……. looking at you so happy and at peace, holding her hand, smiling at her and starting in her eyes, under the moonlight, stealing a kiss. Looking at your expressions and how genuinely joyous you feel at the moment, I don’t understand what to think, what to believe. Should I wish for you to come back? Or should I wish for a happy ending for you, even if it is not with me? Should I be selfish to make things difficult for you, or should I just let you go, freely, benevolent, self-sacrificing, and incomplete?

You ruined it for me, you ruined it all.

You ruined all the patience, persistence, wait, and hopes, all the wishes, dreams, innocence, and naivety, you made me realize that there are things apart from the silly imaginations, apart from the senseless hopes and thoughtless thoughts. But most of all, you ruined my tranquility, you ruined for me, the moon, the night, the dark, and the light. You ruined simple things for me like smiling and holding hands, my esteem and my confidence, all that I had gathered in the past few years, what I was trying to, bit by bit, collect the pieces of my life and trying to fit altogether, you killed a trusting little girl’s faith in the world.
©passionbookworm

Published by somewhere_isolated

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Silent Pariah

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I write about life from my point of view, and my personal experience. I also write short fiction.

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