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An Open Letter to my first crush

To the first crush of my life

You know that time when you feel that you aren’t pretty enough, you wish you were more beautiful so that you could have the guy you want. I remember when I first felt that. It was evening when I went to shop with my parents for my birthday, my 14th birthday. It has been years since I last saw you, or should I say, the only ever time I saw you. I was so young and naive, for me it was the first time I saw someone that beautiful. Your sharp jaw, flawless skin, soft pink lips, a boyish smile; you were wearing a white t-shirt, washed jeans and a green chequered shirt, exhibiting the perfect guy next door look. I was mesmerized. You looked older, around 20 years I think. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you.

The way your hair looked messy as if you have run your hands on them yet so sexy, I was tempted to run my hands on them, feel the softness of your lips against mine, you hands on my waist and just gaze at your beautiful smile. We didn’t talk but the way my eyes roamed all over the shop and then came back to you everytime, I knew I was in trouble. You ignited the feminine side in me, so much that I couldn’t focus on anything and ended up burying something I didn’t like. I was so disappointed in myself later.

You were the first person who brought a reaction out of body, you know butterflies fluttering in my stomach whenever our eyes met, and then you would smile, making my heart stop beating and I would turn all mushy inside. It was weird. I wanted a chair so that I could sit there, staring at you dreamily and no one to disturb. I wanted to stare without you knowing for I was embarrassed what you’ll think of me. You already caught me stealing glances of you many times and I was trying not to blush. The way you looked amused as if you knew what you were doing to me, and that knowing, teasing smile on your lips as if you were enjoying the fact that I couldn’t stop staring. That was your effect on me. I know it sounds creepy but in my defense I was about to turn 14, without any exposure to guys and emotions, I was so innocent, shy and stupid. You made me feel all those things which I never knew about and there I was wondering what the hell was wrong with me.

I was so awkward, to think about it now, its mortifying. But its fine. We didn’t meet again, nor we would ever recognize each other after all these years. You were older so you might even have a lovely family of your own. But in any case, I know that I would never forget the guy who made me blush and feel all weird for the first time, the guy who made me think of his pink inviting lips and gave me many sleepless nights, the guy who would always stay in my memories as my first crush.

P.S. You still make me smile, only the reason this time is my imbecility. I don’t remember your face that well but I know I would always laugh recalling my stupid reaction. Thank you anyways for coming into my life.

Yours truly,
That girl whom you don’t remember


Published by somewhere_isolated

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