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Love Can Never Be The Same

Do you wonder how people say that they love something or someone at one point in their life and the next they don’t even care? In terms of humans, they say the term ‘true love’ but is it something that really exists? What exactly is ‘true love’ and where does the commitment part come? And what about the non-living things, does love exist for them too? There have been so many questions raised on such topics and none of them seem to be answered aptly. I mean we all subconsciously look for something in every answer or solution and until we find what we are looking for, we continue searching for it. We humans are complicated beings, not because our system is intricate but rather, we are known to make the simplest of things tangled, and when it becomes complex, we say, life is such, or that its not easy. Well, nothing might be easy but nothing is that cumbersome even. In this context, the way we did not like how ‘love’ was defined, or rather, no so defined, we came up with the term ‘true love’.

To be honest, I feel using this term is like one of those immature, illogical argument that we all used to do as a child. “Mom, I want more cookies because they help me poop”, or let’s say throwing a hissy fit because the restaurant they wanted to go was closed for the day, or “I don’t want to wash my hands because then they get wet”, or yet another example would be, “I get pocket money on Sunday so why is everyday not a Sunday?” You can’t do anything about these non-sensical talks, and you can’t even argue back. The least you can do is try making them understand how and why they are wrong, and if they still don’t get it, you let them be. You leave them to understand things when they would be mature enough, even if it’s a little bit late for their age. That’s what you do and it’s the same thing in love.

You say you love tomatoes or mango or go karting or hiking or winters or summers or anything else. After a few years, some choices remain same, some change. Personally for me, I used to love bananas in my childhood, to the extent that I would eat as many as I can find. And now, I don’t like it at all, not even for a taste. Same way, I used to love summers too, and I still love it the same, if not more. So, we can see that in stationary things, it changes; our choices, our love for those things are dependent on our age, experience and situations. It does not have a proper rule which is supposed to be followed. And we are okay with that, we do not consider it as abnormal or irresponsible or bad. Then why do we consider falling in love multiple times with humans as unacceptable?

Now, let me make this clear to you. I am not talking about people being with multiple people at the same time or lying to them or cheating on them, no. I am talking about the situations where its frowned upon when you fall in love one after other even though you have been single when it happened. Let me give you an example – a guy, lets name him Finch, is with a girl named Lina. Now, Finch and Lina have been together for years and then they break up. Now Finch is single again, and likes any other girl Carrie and they are together for a couple of years. Later on, something else happens and he ends up single again. This time he falls in love with a Kate and they marry after being together for a few months. A few years later, Kate wanted a divorce as they grew out of love. So, after the divorce Finch would probably move on to some other girl named Linda. Now, my point is, if someone knows Finch then they would either say that his luck was not good, or that he is not stable and doesn’t have a good character as he can’t stay with a girl for long. Since when have we started defining love and character with the number of people in our lives? And since when it became a rule that you can only have so many people in life altogether?

There’s no proper answer to this. No one knows exactly why or when it all became a norm. So, now it has become like an industry standard that you have to achieve if you want to pass the product (in this case, person) in the market (in this case, society). If you fail to achieve those standards then the product would not be welcomed, and if you achieve more than those standards, then you will be criticized until one can make sense of what you did and why.

My question is that instead of going after the standard, why don’t we go after our happiness without thinking too much. The only thing we need to care about is that we are not hurting others in this process. Rest, we must be free to do all that we want. Because then, love won’t have to be a mark that you need to attain. It won’t have to be similar or boring or monotonous for everyone. In truth, love can never be the same. It depends on how you and your partner is with each other. Its different for every single relationship, every single friendship and every single person. The difference is not just in portraying how you feel, its also in how you actually feel. You can’t feel the exact same emotion repeatedly for every person who enters into your life. A few things here and there may be similar but overall, it’s a totally different experience every time, like chalk and cheese, you can’t compare your previous with your next, because the comparison will not take you anywhere. You would say ‘this is true love’ but in reality, love is the purest of all. There is no other adjective required. Either there is love, or there is not. Its nothing less, nothing more. It is there constantly until you outgrow it. Some people may never outlive it, and some people do sooner. But that does not make the emotion any less or more. Its not the time or duration that counts, it the intensity of emotion. The terminologies may change but the emotion does not. People think that stability is a part of love, but no. It’s a requirement of a relationship, not of love. If you want to stay committed to one person for a long time, you can do it with trust, loyalty, support, understanding and stability, even if love is not a part of the equation. So, you can say that you need many attributes for a successful companionship, but not for crazy feeling of Love.



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Silent Pariah

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