We hope to live another moment, another day, a month, a year and a life. We hope to achieve all our dreams and aspirations. We wish for all the different things to happen. We hope that in future, we will have money, or love, or peace, or happiness, or quietude. Many are able to accomplish most or all of their desires, many are able to make it to only a few. And then there are those who die……..sudden, early death. All fit and healthy, suddenly had an accident or a life threatening disease or just any reason, but they got to the end, even before they got the chance to live.
They wanted to travel around the world, they wanted to express their love for someone, they wanted to have a family, they wanted to learn new things, they wanted to be someone important………they all wanted to prove themselves and be proud of their accomplishments. But they didn’t get a chance to do any of that.
When one dies, people talk about how the living is suffering because their loved one died, people talk about how they could not imagine their life without someone or the other. And its true, we all have that someone we can’t imagine our life without. The living, all have different theories….. “he had everything he could ask for”, “he was so rich, he had all the money”, “oh how his loved one must have felt, poor soul”, “if he wouldn’t have done that, then maybe he would be alive and everyone would be happy now”, “if only he ever listened to his parents or elders, he could have lived a great life”, “he died shaming his family”, etc. They also have the positive thoughts about how he lived a good life or how he was lucky to have a painless death or how he did great things for public welfare.
But, people don’t talk about the one who died……..the one who died disappointed in himself. No one knows because he can’t say anymore. He can’t evince his pain, his disappointment, his dreams, his hopes and how they all had been brutally crushed due to one cruel, terrible moment. He can’t do all that even though he wanted to. People have all kinds of theories regarding all the if’s and maybe’s and should’s and shouldn’t’s but they never think about what that person has gone through.
When you see your life playing in front you, like a reel, you see all your good and bad moments, you look at all their faces in your mind, and you know that you won’t be able to escape death, not this time…….when you know your time has come, and yet, the only thing you feel is disappointment……in yourself. You feel disappointed because you don’t find your life good enough, because you couldn’t achieve things you wanted to, because you didn’t get a second chance to live, because for whatever reason, you wasted your only chance. You don’t wish to die, but you try to accept that this is it, whether you like it or not. This is it. This is the end. This is your last breath. This was your life which is now ending.
And you are desperate for another chance, you pray, you hope, you feel, you ask for whoever is listening…..to give you one another chance so that you could do it right this time, so that you could tell her you love her, that you could go sky diving and para sailing, that you could learn to cook because you always wanted to, that you could go to norway to see the aurora borealias, that you could attain your inner peace, that you could do all that and more. You cry, you try to keep your eyes open, you try to breathe, you try not to give up even when your body is unable to…….just so you could do all that and more. You promise yourself that this time if you get a chance, you would live, really live……for yourself. You would do everything you could to make it worth living.
But not everyone gets the chance. That’s the most terrifying part of death. That’s the part people are afraid of, really, even if they don’t realize. Everyone is scared of death. But truly, they are just afraid of not being able to live, not able to get a chance to live. Because at the end, it is true. “Life is not about living the safer option. Life is about living a life worth living.” ~ Rob Thier