Realization

Lost in my depressing thoughts and trying to keep the emotions at bay, I was wandering around aimlessly, focus being on just forgetting everything and moving on. The light breeze, or the darkness or the sound of insects did nothing to supress my urge to just run away and never come back. As I was moving forward, in the back of my mind, a sound registered which was completely different yet familiar. Something other than the nonsensical gloominess I drowned myself in. Those thoughts abruptly came to a stop when I found I was surrounded by the trees swaying to the light wind, crickets chirping happily, the zephyrs caressing my face and hair, and above all, that particular sound. Now I was very aware of myself and the fact that I was in an unknown territory in the middle of the night where I could die the next moment and no one would know for days. Heart beating erratic, I began walking towards it, to fulfil my curiosity, not caring about the consequences just yet, for in my heart, it felt like I had been here before
The dry leaves rustling beneath my now dirty shoes was the only sound my mind was capable of registering, other than my irregular heartbeat, all other noises fading into the background as I proceeded towards what might be my early death. The ambience felt eerily familiar, as if it was just yesterday when I had been here, though I couldn’t remember the life of it.

After a few minutes of walking, I noticed that there was a clearing in the forest and the sound was coming from there. Once I stepped out, I halted. It was the most breathtaking sight I had ever witnessed. I couldn’t move, all incoherent thoughts and worries long gone. The mesmerizing sound of waves going back and forth, the blue ocean sparkling in the moon light, the dark sky covered with innumerous starts, twinkling and shimmering, making their presence known, the lights illuminating the whole of the city and lastly the wind blowing my hair away, and touching the raw moisture on my face. I didn’t realize my tears were out.

I remembered this scenic beauty from 15 years ago. My mother said something no daughter should have been told and I was upset. I ran away and found myself here, with my best friend. I can still see her oceanic blue eyes spirited with life, small smile on lips and her auburn hair in cute pigtails, reprimanding me on how I should let go.

That day we talked, she told me how she had a hole in her heart which the doctors couldn’t fix and that she was going to die in a few days. She told me how she loved the time she was here, the short life she got was a blessing and how she saw herself in one parallel universe, living the life she could have. We talked about life, happiness, dreams, sorrows, situations, what we knew, what we imagined and everything two 5 year olds wouldn’t even think about. Though she was always the matured one among us, but that day, something changed, we grew.

I remember her expression when she said, “Vi, I love you and I want you to love yourself. No matter how hard the situation would be, don’t give up. Life is not worth letting the agony take over, its much more. Live, be happy and smile on the way coz that’s what life is all about. Its whatever you want it to be.”

Thought I still had so much to work on that, but I realized that’s what its supposed to be. So, instead of tormenting myself by falling into the abyss of unearthed desolation, why not run towards the optimistic ray of sunshine she talked about. She was right. She had always been. And now, it was time to make her proud and do everything she would have wanted me to do.

As I watched the beautiful yet dangerous waves rising up and then falling down, trying to reach as far on the shore as they could, I realized what I had to do. I knew now. The soothing sound of those waves gave me the answers to my unasked questions as I waited for some more, basking in the pacifying tranquility of the night. Coz, things were going to change now. The next morning was going to be beautiful, and this time, I was ready.

©passionbookworm

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